


saved (so that you can call me)

by moonworlds



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Nicknames, PARK SEONGHWA FUCK, hongjoong gay panics a lot, no beta we die like men, no smut.......right now, seonghwa pretends to keep his cool, seongjoong are my babies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-28
Updated: 2019-08-28
Packaged: 2020-09-28 18:20:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20430359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonworlds/pseuds/moonworlds
Summary: a sketchbook, nicknames, lunch, two best friends, loads of unacknowledged feelings, and seonghwa has no sense of understanding hongjoong's privacy.





	saved (so that you can call me)

**Author's Note:**

> i dont know where this came from but i dont completely hate it.

“joong.”

Hongjoong was never one for nicknames and hated when his name was shortened, it made him feel infantile and not taken seriously. He knew that they came from a place of love but he’d never liked them even terms of endearment he just wasn’t that sort of person. But when Seonghwa said his name, full name or shortened or even mumbled it was liked he’d just taken a shot of whiskey warming him to his toes.

“hm?” he looks up from his sketches, his fringe falling in his eyes. Seonghwa sits opposite to him in his cramped little one-bedroom, his back rested on his closet while Hongjoong sketched next to the small window next to his bed, _god_ he looked glorious in the dim light that slipped in through the window. “what’s up?”

Seonghwa places his tablet beside him as he leaned forward to rest his arms on his knees, “do you want to get some food?” he asks his voice soft, almost subconsciously matching the mood in the room. The sun had just passed golden hour and the room was still lit enough to match the mood of Hongjoong’s indie playlist playing through Seonghwa’s shitty speakers.

The boy in question shakes his head in denial, “I’m not hungry…” Hongjoong begins to speak but is cut short by a loud rumble that announces that he is in fact, hungry. “…maybe I am” he finishes and shoots Seonghwa a sheepish smile.

Seonghwa simply grins and rolls his eyes, “God you’re such a brat. Go wash up and I’ll cook up something.” He says as he rises from his spot on the floor, the empty cup of coffee in hand and one arm stretching away from the kinks in his body.

But Hongjoong can’t move because he is in close quarters viewing experience of park Seonghwa’s body proportions and how good he looks even in a plain white shirt and jeans. “what?” he mumbles not hearing what the other has said, he’s too busy gay panicking and thirsting over his oldest friend.

“Joong, fuck stop zoning out and go and wash up,” Seonghwa says with a smile as he moves out of his cramped bedroom, just as Hongjoong gets his thoughts in order and gets up too quickly from his spot on his bed.

“_Fuck.” _

He’s royally screwed and he knows this, he has been since the day he met Seonghwa during freshman year orientation and oh god he’s fucked. Initially, he’d thought that it was just a crush because who wouldn’t have a crush on Park Seonghwa, he was literally perfect. His dark hair and his smile that made the lights dim in comparison and his hands that we’re so beautiful, Hongjoong used to think that it was a miracle for someone to have such perfect hands, a crime even. But as the two continued to be friends and their friend circles subsequently merging, he realised that he was in this Seonghwa shit for life. 

Now they’re 23 and still as close as they were in college, and it really isn’t helping Hongjoong’s situation. He cracks his neck and reaches down to shut his sketchbook, noticing how his arms have charcoal all over them and lets out another tired sigh.

“Being in a constant state of gay panic isn’t good for your health Hongjoong.” He tells his reflection as he rubs soap between his hands and all over his forearms. “he’s your best friend, get over it.” He says, it’s almost an order and he almost believes it but as soon as he walks out of the bedroom to see Seonghwa’s back towards him and he can almost make out his tattoo of a compass through his shirt and the fact that he’s humming one of Hongjoong’s favourite songs makes his knees want to give out.

“Get a hold of yourself Kim Hongjoong…what the fuck.” He mumbles to himself as he scrapes a stool to sit at the counter.

He doesn’t realise that he’s been staring into space till Seonghwa taps the back of a spoon on his forehead. “Hey! What was that for!” Hongjoong frowns, eyes narrowing at his friend. Seonghwa is once again sitting across him and grins. “you were letting my food get cold galaxy brain, I didn’t slave for fifteen minutes for you to not eat and let it get cold.” He chides his eyes crinkling at he takes in the man in front of him.

And Hongjoong hates the way the warmth blooms in his chest and he can feel himself flush, “fuck you.” He mumbles and then turns his attention to the food in front of him and his jaw drops. “did you actually make kimchi jjigae…as a snack? What the fuck?” he looks up at seonghwa again who is already pouring the hot soup into two bowls and placing it in front of him.

“It’s no biggie, you had most of the stuff I bought by last time and its really easy to cook for people who like to eat,” Seonghwa says, looking a little embarrassed. “Now shut up and eat please.”

Hongjoong still shook his head and dug in, savouring each bite finally realising how hungry he really was. They eat in silence for a while till Hongjoong breaks the silence. “This is so good.” He sputters with his mouth full and rice now probably all over his face, and the sight is just so adorable that Seonghwa can’t help but laugh. “Don’t talk with food in your mouth.” He says and reaches out and wipes the rice away from Hongjoong’s mouth with the pad of his thumb.

It’s a simple action, but it sends shock waves down Hongjoong’s body, _it’s really not that deep _the rational part of his mind supplied but his heart was hammering in his chest and honestly Hongjoong hopes the ground swallows him whole.

He makes a small involuntary noise in the back of his throat, and Seonghwa’s hand freezes right there on his face and there is a palpable tension in the air. There is the sound of a chair scraping back and suddenly Seonghwa is leaning over the small table his eyes flashing with something that ‘t Hongjoong can’t place.

_Just kiss me please, _his mind supplies yet again and Hongjoong hates himself for wanting this but he really does. “Joong?” Seonghwa is barely centimetres away from his face when he whispers that godforsaken nickname, and Hongjoong looks up and wow has Seonghwa been looking at him like that all this while?

“You’re so cute.” he finishes, his thumb now tracing small circles on his jaw. “so cute.” He says yet again and sits back and picks up his spoon again.

Hongjoong wants to say so much but his fucking throat betrays him and he lets out a dying whimper instead, “fuck you,” he manages before realising that this man was going to be the death of him and Hongjoong wants to kill him right back, fuck Park Seonghwa and his magic.

They finish eating and it’s only fair that he does the dishes since the older had cooked for them, with his back to Seonghwa, he finally manages to do one task without getting flustered and berating himself. Just as he finishes the last of the bowls in the sink there is a crashing sound that jolts him and Hongjoong immediately turns around.

“Seonghwa? Is everything okay?” He asks, shaking his hands off the water and making quick work of drying them. “Hwa?” he calls out again, now worried as he walks towards his room.

“Do I want to know what happened?”

All he sees is the tall man sprawled on the floor, half on his bed and his lower half of it, it’s a very awkward position and Seonghwa just sheepishly smiles, his hand rubbing the nape of his neck. “I may or may not have tried to fix your curtains and…uh, I slipped.” His cheeks are tinged red and there is that warmth in Hongjoong’s chest again.

“You’re as bad as Mingi sometimes,” Hongjoong says letting out a snort and crouching down beside him. “It’s very endearing.” He says not really understanding the full weight of his words till he sees Seonghwa colour up at the remark. “N-no, I meant that you’re so clumsy!” he tries saving it but the blond's expression is already morphing into a small grin.

“So, I’m endearing,” Seonghwa says, sitting properly so he is now at face level with Hongjoong. “I wonder what else you find me out to be…” there is a playfulness to his tone, but his eyes are imperceptibly dark and Hongjoong wants to call his mom and tell her to pick him up otherwise he might end up fucking up.

“…you’re also an asshole,” Hongjoong says in a whisper, it doesn’t seem like banter anymore and he really wants so much of this now.

The corners of Seonghwa’s mouth turn up and he reaches behind him and pulls out a sketchbook from behind him. “Joong, I need to confess something.” He says, a flush creeping up his neck as he plays with the worn cover of Hongjoong’s sketchbook. “I wasn’t fixing the curtains, I wanted to see your drawings and…”

Hongjoong’s face goes hot, _fuck, _he’s never said no to Seonghwa for anything but his sketchbook was something that he couldn’t build up the nerve to show to him. To be honest it was supposed to be a gift for Seonghwa’s 21st birthday but he never got around to giving it because –

  1. Kim Hongjoong is a coward
  2. Because he’s probably in love with his best friend and that sketchbook is basically a love letter.

He wants to run but a part of him wants to know what Seonghwa thinks of it, has he finally done it ruin their friendship, does he disgust seonghwa now?

“Seonghwa I- “is all he manages to say before Seonghwa is opening the sketchbook and placing a page in front of him and then flipping through it. It’s all just Seonghwa. Page after page after page. Seonghwa’s hands holding a coffee mug, his eyes when he smiles, of his stupid boxy smile and it’s just a whole sketchbook of just Seonghwa, Hongjoong thought it’d be apt considering his life was just Seonghwa too.

“Hongjoong, what does this mean?” the older finally speaks, his voice heavy as he stares at the red-haired boy in front of him. “Joong, I need to know what is this.”

There it is that fucking nickname and he’s right there in his stupid soft t-shirts, cooking Hongjoong food.

“It was supposed to be a gift, but I never got around to giving it to you. You see it looks like I’m infatuated with you and I didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable and I wanted to give it to you. Remember when you’d said that you’d prefer something handmade over someone buying something for you so I just wanted to give you a sketch but I couldn’t find just the right one and it just kept progressing from there,” Hongjoong can no longer look at Seonghwa, he’s already burning up and decides to focus on his own hands instead, the blood in his veins is thrumming curious as to how the other boy feels about this and about how this wasn’t the way he wanted it to go, “I-I am really sorry.” He whispers.

Hongjoong just looks so small right that second his hands splayed palms up on his lap and Seonghwa can’t help but acknowledge the twinge of annoyance that rips through his being at the boys’ apology, heck he should be the one apologising for invading his privacy like that and still Hongjoong is apologising for perhaps the best gift he never got.

Seonghwa can’t stop his mind when it immediately goes into flashback, and there they are in his shitty dorm room all windows open in the middle of December, a cigarette loosely hanging from his fingers as he takes in the boy standing next to him, he remembers even the smallest detail of anything that has happened with Hongjoong, how the sweater he wore was too big for him, how he stood with his nose out into the air despite it turning bright red and how his eyes crinkled and he laughed when Seonghwa mentioned something about how tiny he is but he’s also really strong, earning himself a soft punch. And maybe that’s when seonghwa realises how much he loves these moments and how much he wants these moments to be exclusive.

However, in the present, Seonghwa’s heart is beating in a stuttering rhythm, and as he looks at Hongjoong in his ratty old sweatshirt that hits past his knees, his messy hair and the flush on his face that Seonghwa just wants to bang his head against the wall, _fuck I fucked up._

“You don’t need to apologize, fuck Joong take that back, take it back.” Seonghwa says, berating himself for doing the thing in the first place, “I love it, and I’m sorry for putting you on the spot like that, fuck I thought that…” And then Hongjoong looks at him, he means like really looks at him right into his eyes and Seonghwa wants to run or hide because there is that look in his eyes again, that look he gets when he thinks Seonghwa isn’t looking and Seonghwa too just wants to kiss him and hold him…in a very yes homo way.

“You thought what…?” Hongjoong asks and god fuck he looks…hopeful and god Seonghwa is going to die and it’s going to be his fault and Yeosang is going to make sure he mentions in agonising detail that Seonghwa died due to gay panic.

The room suddenly feels too hot, “…I thought that you…. wow this is hard...” Seonghwa pulls at his hair, making it stand up weirdly and he makes a note that he really needs to wash his hair. “…. I never thought I’d be confessing to my best friend but here we are.” He mumbles, hoping that they can move past this and if Hongjoong doesn’t want this he’d find a way to be okay with it.

Suddenly there is a pair of cold hands on either side of his face, pulling to look up at the red-haired boy who is now on his knees, “You wanted to confess to me?” Hongjoong asks his eyes searching Seonghwa’s for any sign of being fucked with because there is something blooming in his chest and Hongjoong wants it to be true. “You like me?” he asks again, his voice now unsure and _fuck _he hates Seonghwa for making him feel this vulnerable and weak, _god he must look like he’s begging. _He pushes away those thoughts just as one of Seonghwa’s hands covers his own and he feels so warm, so warm.

“Who wouldn’t like you?” Seonghwa says his voice once again soft as if he didn’t want to ruin the moment, “You’re so… annoying with your smiles and the way you forget to change out of your paint clothes and how you make sure everyone is okay.” Hongjoong feels his throat go dry and a familiar feeling of tears hit him behind his eyes, fuck park seonghwa for making him cry. “I would be a fool to not…. fall for you.” Seonghwa finishes, just as the first tear traces its path down Hongjoong’s face and Seonghwa does what he should have done long ago. His grip on Hongjoong’s hand tightens as he moves his face closer to the smaller boy, “Joong…” he mumbles, his eyes darting to Hongjoong’s lips as he pulls his own lower lip into his mouth, “please let me kiss you…” Seonghwa whispers hoping that Hongjoong says yes because he feels the last vestiges of his courage fading away.

Hongjoong gives the smallest nod because that’s all he manages to muster up, not making any big moves afraid to wake up because this feels like a fucking dream and god, he wishes Seonghwa just gets his move on because Hongjoong has already cried and now he feels like he’ll combust.

“You sure?” Seonghwa whispers, his lips now a breath away.

Hongjoong wants to _hit _him, “I swear Seonghwa if you don’t kiss me in the next three seconds, I will…”

In retrospect Hongjoong was in fact not ready for the real thing, he’d be liar if he says that he’d never imagined kissing Seonghwa but his imagination held no candle to the real thing, the moment their lips meet…it just feels _right_ and he’s fucking melting into Seonghwa’s hands.

The kiss isn’t unsure or afraid, its sealed with a surety of feelings and pent up emotions, that when Hongjoong’s hands find purchase holding onto the nape of Seonghwa’s neck, the action causes a punched out groan to emanate from Seonghwa’s throat which he drinks up eagerly his body and heart so fucking ready to see what mess they create together.

And when Seonghwa pulls Hongjoong into his lap so that he straddles him, and he trails his lips down the column of Hongjoong’s throat, he just knows Seonghwa is going to mark him. “H-Hwa…” he gasps when he feels Seonghwa press another open-mouthed kiss on the curve of his neck and he just lets his head fall back.

Later, way later the couple finds themselves in the middle of a mess of Hongjoong’s discarded hoodie and Seonghwa doesn’t know where his shirt landed up but he doesn’t care when he has Hongjoong running his hands through his hair and he feels happy.

Hongjoong head has finally stopped spinning, he went through a whole range of emotions while Seonghwa kissed him, each kiss different than the previous one, there were rollercoaster kisses that made his stomach flop and leave him breathless and the lazy ones that made him hum in anticipation. “I hate you,” he says suddenly sitting up to look at the devastatingly beautiful shirtless boy in his bed, who just quirks up an eyebrow the corners of Seonghwa’s mouth turning up into a small grin. “…fuck you and your nicknames Park Seonghwa,” he says his voice playful as Seonghwa sits up and circles and arm around his waist to pull him closer and damnit he’s got him breathless again.

“Holy fuck Joong, do you have a nickname kink?” he says, a smirk playing on his lips as Hongjoong flushes and huffs in annoyance and Hongjoong braces himself when he sees a playful glimmer in his now boyfriends’ eyes.

“Don’t you dare finish that thought.”

Seonghwa laughs, loud and clear it causes Hongjoong to crack a wide smile too, “Whatever you want…babe.”

“OH MY GOD, STOP.”

**Author's Note:**

> hmu on twt @aceshwa


End file.
